Operation: JAPAN
by Darkton93
Summary: While Numbuh 692 is off on an adventure, Numbuhs 450 and 3 are on a vacation in Japan. This vacation later leads to action when the dictator Tiger Mom makes her presence known. OC focus. Numbuh 692 Arc 3.
1. Transmission 1

Now Loading:  
Kids Next Door Mission

Operation: J.A.P.A.N.

Just  
Another  
Peaceful  
Adventure...  
NOT!

Writing Operatives: Lieutenant Darkton  
Original Mission Director: Mister Warburton

Numbuh 692 boarded his blue S.C.A.M.P.E.R. to fly out to remote a KND outpost. He and his pilot, Numbuh 450, made for a spot with a crudely-painted landing sign, and disembarked.

"How long did he say this was going to take?" asked Numbuh 450.

"He didn't," Numbuh 692 replied. "He just said I should go there for something special."

"Well, don't take too long. I don't want to have to work on the Treehouse by myself."

Numbuh 692 scowled. "You're not my mom, you know. I'm the Captain, so don't you go about ordering me around. Besides, you can fight, too. Just because the special order says you can't go on this mission with me doesn't mean you can't go on missions on your own if you want."

"That sounds great! Have fun!" she laughed as she re-boarded the blue S.C.A.M.P.E.R. flew off. She punched a few coordinates into her improvised GPS. "I think I have just the place I want to visit…"

-

Japan. A country of beauty. Pagodas, cherry blossoms, and a wide range of temples were just a few of the many sights to see.

One such cherry blossom tree housed a Kids Next Door Treehouse. But this was no ordinary Treehouse; it was much more high-tech and professional in design, with five towers gathered together and unified by a circle in the center. On the top was a flag with the Japanese character 子, reading "ko", short for "Tonari no Kodomo." Painted on the exterior was the character 京, reading "kyo", meaning "capital." Painted on the towers were Japanese characters for the numbers 1 through 5.

A Japanese girl in a pink and white-striped camisole noted the incoming S.C.A.M.P.E.R.. Commander! Commander! she spoke in Japanese. Someone is approaching the landing pad!

The commander, a boy in a black schoolboy's uniform stepped onto the pad. It's huge! he remarked in Japanese. Prepare the bay!

A Japanese boy in a white t-shirt and ripped denims guided the S.C.A.M.P.E.R. along with another Japanese girl, this time with a vested schoolgirl uniform. Eventually, the vehicle made a complete stop, and when it landed the doorway opened.

Out stepped Numbuh 450 and Numbuh 3, 3 looking more cheerful. "Hi, Japanese Kids Next Door!" she blurted in English. "I luv you!"

"Kuki! Behave yourself!" Numbuh 450 interjected. "You're showing too much emotion. These guys take body language seriously. But I thought you knew that!"

"Oh. I'm sorry!"

Numbah 450 sighed. "You'll have to forgive my friend Kuki. She's like this, despite being Japanese."

The commander stepped out to greet the two. "Good afternoon," the commander said with a very good English accent. "Welcome to Japan. I will be your caretaker. My codename is Ichiban." Ichiban pointed to the girl in the camisole. "This is Yonban, communications officer." He then pointed to the girl in the schoolgirl vest. "That is Niban, our medic." He began motioning to someone else. "And this is…"

"Hei deaa! Hau yuu duuingu?!" said the boy in the white shirt and denims, shaking Numbuh 450's hand heavily. "Ai amu Nanbaa Faibu! Uatsu yoo neemu?"

Numbuh 450 paused. "Huh?"

Ichiban sighed and shook his head. "You'll have to forgive him. That's Goban. He's our vehicle operator. He has an unhealthy interest in American culture."

"Haa? Oddo neemu. Ou uerlu!"

"Actually," Numbah 450 replied, "it's Numbuh 450, but you can call me Megan. And please stop trying to speak English."

"Ou? Aimu sorlii; a;" Sorry.

"Ano kuroi kami no ko wa dare?" asked Yonban.

"Docchi no ko?" replied Ichiban.

Yonban pointed to Numbuh 3. "Ano ko."

"Yonban asked who you were, long black-haired girl."

Numbuh 3 perked up. "Oh, me? I'm Numbuh 3 of the Kids Next Door! My name is Kuki Sanban!"

That's an… odd name, said Yonban in Japanese.

"Why Kuki?" asked Ichiban.

"Umm…" Numbuh 3 hesitated. "I'm not really sure. My mom says it has something to do with the air, see, but the Sanban means…"

"You left a letter out."

"Huh?"

"A letter. You're missing a letter. Another u, to be precise. The way you keep pronouncing it, you're saying 'flower stem'."

"Oh. Okay. I won't forget…but yeah! That's me! Good ol' Kuki Sanban."

Ichiban shook his head.

"So, miss Niban? Do you work here at all?"

Niban spoke softly. "Ai…kanto…spiiku…ingurlishu…"

"Huh? Say that again, one more time?"

"She can't speak English, Kuuki," Numbuh 450 responded. "She's Japanese. They're all Japanese. As far as I can tell, the only people who can speak English are Ichiban and…"

"Mii!" blurted out Goban.

"…him, for looser definitions of the word 'speak'; and what did I tell you about talking in English?"

"Sorlii."

"You'll just have to speak to her in Japanese. You know Japanese, right? You were born in Japan."

"Oh! Okay! I know Japanese really good!" Numbuh 3 said. Good afternoon, two round objects. My name is Third Flower Stem. What time is it? I eat the school with my friends. This book is me. Adios.

There was a very long, very awkward silence.

"Wha-huh?" Numbuh 450 blurted. "What did she say?"

"I'd like to know that myself," Ichiban responded. "Anyway, both of you, I'm willing to give you a tour of my unit's Treehouse. I might as well make you feel at home."

"Okay."

"Yaaaay!" Numbuh 3 shouted. "Free tour! Free tour!"

"Right this way, if you please," Ichiban said, directing the guests to the interior.

Niban's eye twitched. _That black-haired girl is really starting to annoy me…_ she thought to herself.

-

"And this is the hallway to the communications room, where we maintain connections from around the country."

A boy in a red button down shirt and black slacks was speaking to a Japanese businessman. And I need those shipments in three hours. And make sure it's up to date.

Yes sir, esteemed customer, the businessman said.

Thank you. He broke contact.

Sanban? Ichiban called.

"Ooh!" Numbuh 3 perked up. "I think he's talking to me!"

"I am talking to this fine young man over here." Sanban, we have guests. Foreigners, to be precise.

Interesting, Sanban noted. So these are the ideals presented by Goban. Something's not right with the one in brown. She looks like a cartoon character.

Well…umm… "Miss 450…"

"Megan," she corrected.

"…why is it you look like one of our cartoons?"

"Oh, that? I'm an alien. My real form would scare you. This is merely the earliest form I took. I like it so much; I haven't even bothered to change to a more fitting form."

Ichiban relayed the information.

So…aliens exist. And they resemble cartoon characters.

Well, Ichiban continued, I do believe she said it's just because she likes the form best.

Meanwhile, Numbuh 3 talked to 450. "You're an alien?"

"The big eyes and odd mouth were kinda big giveaways, weren't they?" Numbuh 450 replied.

"So why does 692 do weird stuff but you don't?"

"Because your Earthling culture has driven him nuts."

Numbuh 3 paused. "Oh…I'm sorry."

"Don't be. He'll get over it…sooner or later." She then turned to Ichiban. "Excuse me, Ichiban, but I have a question."

"What is it?" he replied.

"Why is your technology so high-tech? We just have to make due with 2x4s."

"Well, we have a contract with Omocha Industries. Perhaps you may have heard of them. We basically pay for all their technology."

"Interesting. Aren't they more likely to be helping the Adult Empire?"

"We do not have a concrete enemy. We are primarily a self-defense force, going after adult villains who violate the Kodomo-Otona Treaty."

"How long have you had this treaty?"

"Six weeks. Still, it's better than the whole year of war we've had to endure."

"You have no idea…"

"Anyway, that basically covers the tour of the base. Now what do you want to do?"

"Well, to tell you the truth, I just wanted to go out sightseeing. What've you got?"

Ichiban smiled.

-

The kids passed by a tori gate, making their way to one of the colossal shrines. "And this, my guests," Ichiban said, "is one of our shrines. We have two big religions in the country; what you're seeing is a Shinto shrine."

"What's the other one?" Numbuh 450 asked.

"Buddhism."

"Question?" Numbuh 3 asked. "What's the difference?"

"It's in the architecture. See that building structure? Notice how its architecture focuses on posts and boards. A Buddhist structure would have a more castle-like appearance. Not only that, in a Buddhist structure, you'd see statues of, well, Buddha."

"…huh?"

"I got it!" Numbuh 450 said. "I…got that conversation."

The kids later sat down and watched a traditional Japanese ceremony. "I think I saw this in a movie once," Numbuh 450 said.

"And that would be?"

"Godzilla."

There was a long pause.

"I'm sorry," Numbuh 450 blurted out. "That was culturally insensitive."

"No, actually, the first one is probably the best one. A classic, like Seven Samurai."

"And Rashomon."

"That's not how I remember it…"

The two continued to watch the ceremony.

"I'm bored," Numbuh 3 said.

"I kind of am, too," Ichiban replied. "Stop number two it is."

-

The next stop was a garden, filled with gorgeous pink flowers. "Whoo…the flowers are so pretty!" Numbuh 3 said.

"Indeed they are," Ichiban said. "They tend to pop up around springtime."

Numbuh 3 continued to admire the flowers, then suddenly her stomach started calling. "Oh no! Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom!" She rushed off to the nearest bathroom.

Ichiban walked over as well. "Are you going, too?" Numbuh 450 asked.

"No, but I have a feeling that if she's as immersed in Japanese culture as I think she is, she's in for a surprise, and I'll be needed," Ichiban replied.

There was a pause.

"Mister Japanese guy?" Numbuh 3 called out.

"Knew it." Ichiban started shouting. "Is it about the hole in the ground?"

"Yeah!"

"That's the toilet. Just pretend you're sitting on an invisible chair."

"Okay!" There was another pause. "Oopsies! I think I missed."

Ichiban shook his head. Suddenly, his communicator began ringing, leading him to answer it. It was Goban. "Hotozon isshou ni ikimasenka?"

"A, ii desu yo," Ichiban replied. "So, who wants to go to an arcade?"

-

The kids arrived at the Hot Zone arcade, guided by Ichiban and Goban. "Very well, then," Ichiban said. "I have three things for you that you absolutely cannot lose." He handed out maps. "This is a map of the arcade. I spent weeks gathering the information together. Match the text you see on the map with the text you see on the cabinet." He held out piles of 100 yens. "Here is your ammo. It's money, and lots of it. This is an equivalent of 1000 yen, good enough for ten games." He then gave the kids cards. "These cards are your keys. They allow you to track your progress within a game. As stated before, it is absolutely essential that you DO NOT lose any of these. Ready?"

"Rletsu GO!" Goban exclaimed.

The kids each went their separate paths. Numbuh 450 came across a karaoke machine titled "Vocal Legend." She put in a coin and randomly selected a song. The machine read translations in roman characters, luckily enough.

"Alright…let's see how good my Japanese is…

_I just feel Rhythm Emotion,_

_Kono mune no kodou wa,_

_Anata e to tsudzuiteru_

_So far away…_

I have no idea what I'm singing."

Numbuh 3 meanwhile wandered through the arcade aimlessly. Excuse me? said a local to her. Can we play a game together?

"Umm…," Numbuh 3 said, "okay. What game?"

"Ano… Dorlaibu Rlesaa okei?"

"Yeah, yeah!"

"A, sorlii… wato geemu yuu wanto?"

"I said Drive Racer is okay!"

"Demo…Iie wa 'no' Japaniisu."

"Oh, oopsies!"

Can you even speak Japanese?

Yeah, I speak it.

Where did you come from?

I'm American!

"A…gaikokujin desune."

"Is that a bad thing?"

"No, okei! Letsu plei Dorlaibu Rlesaa."

"Okay!" The two wandered off.

Meanwhile, Ichiban was in the middle of a mecha simulator cockpit, with Goban in another one. Unit one! Left route! he said.

Roger! Unit one responded.

The Guntank Close Combat Type Mobile Crawlers moved towards a large collective of enemy Harpy Class Mobile Crawlers. They opened fire on them, destroying two of them. "Teki Gekiha!" the computer said.

Suddenly, Ichiban got a call on his radio. Hello, hello?

"Hi, it's Megan!" Numbuh 450 said on the other end. "I can't think of any good games I want to play. I'm trying to find some ones I recognize, but I can't find any."

"Right now, I'm busy. I don't think I'll be able to help you."

It's a Zaku! Indeed, a Zaku MS1 Mobile Suit showed up to spring a trap.

"Shimatta! You'll have to figure it out on your own Miss 450."

"That's just it, I'm done here."

"Good for you; I'm not!"

Suddenly, the screen blanked out. The Zaku got the better of him.

"Okay, now I'm done." He left the simulator cockpit and tried to find the others.

"Anyplace else you'd like to go?"

"Not really, but I can…" he got a call on his radio again. "Hold on, I have to take this." Hello, hello?

Want to take our guests to the bathhouse? said Yonban.

I can do that. "Miss 450, I think I have a place you might like."

-

The bathhouse was a nice place for one to relax, and this was no exception for 450 and 3. They were already in towels, entering the area. "Wow! It looks so clean!" 450 said.

"I know! It's really pretty-looking!" Numbuh 3 added.

"But who's gonna show us how to work the things? The Japanese bathing system is different from the one back home, you know."

"Then allow me to show you the way around," said Ichiban's voice. 450 started to blush a little, then turned around. Indeed, Ichiban was right there, in a towel himself.

Naturally, Numbuh 450 squealed and started covering herself (oddly like an adult would instead of a child) despite the fact that she was in a towel. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE, YOU NAUGHTY KID! THIS IS THE GIRLS ROOM!"

"No, no! It's okay, it's alright!"

"Oh really?!"

"Yeah. Kids under the age of 11 are allowed to go wherever they want. I'm only 9. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be looking at anyone while I'm here."

"Oh…aheh, sorry. It's just…I'd prefer it if there were a girl here."

"I could teach Yonban some English and have her teach you."

"Yeah… that'd be great."

Goban burst in suddenly. "Oorlaito! Rletsu basu!"

Numbuh 450 covered herself again. "Okay, _that's_ where I draw the line!"

It's alright, it's alright, Yonban said. Well, shall I teach you how it works?

"Um…please teach us how the bath works, Yonban."

"Okei!"

The two kids sat down on stools near showerheads, towels removed. Behind Numbuh 450 was a washboard that conveniently covered her backside, so to make up for her lack of long hair to do the same.

"Fasuto, rlinsu. Rlefto hoto uotaa, rlaito korludo."

Numbuh 3 pushed the left button, causing the hot water to flow from the showerhead. She found the experience incredibly relaxing.

"Nekusuto, soopu. No entaa basu yeto." Yonban pushed down on a soap bottle, and began rubbing herself with soap.

Numbuh 3 did the same thing. "This is really different," she said. "I don't think I'll quite get used to it."

Numbuh 450 was already going through the motions. "I dunno, I think I'm already used to it. We have something similar to this back home… on my home planet, that is."

"By the way, Numbuh 450, why are your customs similar to our earth ones-"

"Coincidence!" Numbuh 450 said automatically.

"…what?"

"Coincidence, that's all."

"Why'd ya say that so fast?"

"No reason! So, Yonban, what's the next step?"

"Okei," she said, "nekusuto, towerlu washu." She took the towel and began washing the soap off. The others did the same thing. "Lasuto, entaa basu!"

"But… isn't the point of the bath to get clean?" Numbuh 3 said.

"It's not. It's for relaxing," Numbuh 450 said.

"How did you know that?"

"Lucky guess."

Indeed, the three entered the bath, all three up to their shoulders in water. Ah…warm… Yonban said.

"Gotta say, this trip is really working out," Numbuh 450 said. "I can't help but wonder where Thomas is, though."

"Maybe he's getting lost somewhere," Numbuh 3 said, giggling afterwards.

"Actually, his insanity is odd. He didn't lose any of his real competence. Just his behavior is different."

"So he's still good at fighting and stuff?"

"Pretty much. I'm more wondering how Ichiban is doing."

Ichiban was the subject of people giving him odd looks, asking where his mother was. I think I'm done here, he said.

-

The kids were sitting down on a bench, 450 eating some cup noodles with Ichiban guiding her through the process.

"By the way, Mister Ichiban," Numbuh 450 asked, "you speak English really well."

"Oh, no. It's terrible," Ichiban replied.

"No, you're really good at it. It's hard to find your accent, anyway."

"Well, thank you for feeling that way. I should be able to. I am, after all, the head of international relations."

"That makes sense."

"So now what?"

"I'm not sure. I always wanted to check out a Japanese museum."

"Not a half-bad idea. Let's…" Ichiban's cell-phone rang. "Just a moment." He picked it up. Hello, hello?

This is Sanban. I've grown very impatient. That shipment had better be here soon.

It hasn't even been three hours!

I don't care. We need this if we're going to hope to stop the enemy. Go to their warehouse and pick up that shipment.

I do outrank you, you know.

I'm then to assume you'd just let the enemy get away with attacking us while we're defenseless?

There was a pause. Very well. Ichiban hung up. "Bad news. We need to go to Omocha Industries to pick up a set of supplies. Worse news: I don't know where that is."

"Oh," Numbuh 450 responded, "that's definitely bad. Obviously, I don't know. Kuuki, do you know?"

"Nope!" she blurted. "But we could just ask those nice girls over there." Numbuh 3 pointed at a pair of schoolgirls with orange sailor fukus with black detailing.

"Okay! Always helps."

The two walked off, but Ichiban didn't follow. He was busy studying the girls' appearance. _Something about them seems familiar…_

Numbuh 3 got to the girl first. Good afternoon! Where's the Thinking Building?

But the girl raised her hand.

"_BAKAYAROU_, err I mean, YOU FOOL! RUN!" Ichiban shouted.

But it was too late; the girl slapped Numbuh 3 away. "What was that for?"

Why you…!

By order of Tiger Mom, one of the girls said, you are in violation of the rules of Japanese grammar. You are also a dishonorable foreigner, which are not to be let into the country. You are to leave this country immediately or be captured and reeducated.

Transmission Interrupted

* * *

**"Numbuh 692 boarded his blue S.C.A.M.P.E.R. to fly out to remote a KND outpost. He and his pilot, Numbuh 450, made for a spot with a crudely-painted landing sign, and disembarked." This is intended to give a little bit of continuity. These events happen during my earlier story, Operation DREAMS. Don't bother looking it up, I'm gonna do a new version of it soon.**

**""Good afternoon," the commander said with a very good English accent." Ichiban is voiced by Ryo Horikawa, who can speak English very well.**

**""Hei deaa! Hau yuu duuingu?!"" Engrish for "Hey there! How you doing?!" Goban is voiced by Junichi Kanemaru, the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog, who often peppers his speech with Engrish.**

** ""Ai amu Nanbaa Faibu! Uatsu yoo neemu?"" "I am Number Five! What's your name?"**

**""Haa? Oddo neemu. Ou uerlu!"" "Huh? Odd name. Oh well!"**

**"Ou? Aimu sorlii; a;" "Oh? I'm sorry; ah;"**

**"Ano kuroi kami no ko wa dare?" Japanese for "Who's that black-haired girl?" Yonban is voiced by Janice Kawaye, who speaks Japanese in at least two roles, Ami of Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi and Jenny in the My Life As A Teenage Robot episode Speak No Evil.**

**"Docchi no ko?" "Which girl?"**

**"Ano ko." "That one."**

**""Ai…kanto…spiiku…ingurlishu…"" "I...can't...speak...English..." Niban is voiced by Grey Delisle, who spoke Japanese in at least two different roles, Mandy in the Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy episode My Peeps, and Yumi of Hi Hi Puffy Ami Yumi.**

**"Good afternoon, two round objects. My name is Third Flower Stem. What time is it? I eat the school with my friends. This book is me. Adios." Kuuki is actually making several common mistakes foreigners make when learning Japanese. First, she uses "Konnichiwa" and pronounces it incorrectly. Second, she uses "Nihon" as in "two round objects," instead of as "Japan." Next, she calls herself "Kuki Sanban" instead of the proper "Sanban Kuuki." Furthermore, she uses "Watashi no namae wa" when the proper action would be to say nothing at all. "What time is it?" is a reference to Red vs. Blue with Donut's grasp of Spanish. For school eating, Kuuki uses the wrong articles. "This book is me" is a phrase I used accidentally once in middle school, showing I'm not perfect. Adios is just funny.**

**"And I need those shipments in three hours. And make sure it's up to date." Sanban is voiced by Yuri Lowenthal, who also speaks Japanese.**

**""Well, we have a contract with Omocha Industries." Omocha means "Toy."**

**"Kodomo-Otona Treaty" "Kid-Adult Treaty"**

**""Godzilla." There was a long pause. "I'm sorry," Numbuh 450 blurted out. "That was culturally insensitive." "No, actually, the first one is probably the best one. A classic, like Seven Samurai." "And Rashomon." "That's not how I remember it…"" The first Godzilla movie actually is a classic in Japan, but Rashomon is not. As for how Megan knows Godzilla, well, she probably saw it in Thomas' collection, though he never watches it. He could barely get through the opening titles.**

**""Hotozon isshou ni ikimasenka?"" "Shall we go to the Hot Zone together?" Goban speaks more formally towards his superior officer.**

**""A, ii desu yo,"" "Yes, that sounds good." Ichiban is also using a formal form, but he's simply polite.**

**"_I just feel Rhythm Emotion,_**

**_Kono mune no kodou wa,_**

**_Anata e to tsudzuiteru_**

**_So far away…" _You didn't think that karaoke segment would last the whole song, did you? I've got copyright to worry about! Megan is singing the second opening theme to Gundam Wing, albeit poorly. She pronounces it like an american would, like, for instance, pronouncing "mune" as "moon" and not "moo-neh".**

**""Ano… Dorlaibu Rlesaa okei?"" "Umm... Drive Racer okay?"**

**""A, sorlii… wato geemu yuu wanto?"" "Oh, sorry, what game you want?"**

**""Demo…Iie wa 'no' Japaniisu."" "But...Iie is no in Japanese."**

**""A…gaikokujin desune."" "Ah, a foreigner." The word "gaijin" is more commonly used in real life, but is considered rude on TV, so I used the accepted replacement.**

**""No, okei! Letsu plei Dorlaibu Rlesaa."" "No, okay! Let's play Drive Racer."**

**"The Guntank Close Combat Type Mobile Crawlers moved towards a large collective of enemy Harpy Class Mobile Crawlers. They opened fire on them, destroying two of them. "Teki Gekiha!" the computer said." This is no particular Gundam series. Just one I made up to cover copyright. Maybe it could even reintroduce Americans to Gundam. I kid, Bandai won't let anything other than the 35 year old 0079 be popular. I kid, they won't even let Gundam enter the US! _(Tweet with the hashtag #GundamFTWest and send messages to FUNimation and Sentai Filmworks.) _Huh. Where did that come from? As for Teki Gekiha, it means "Enemy destroyed." Why I didn't translate it earlier is something I'll never understand.**

** "Oorlaito! Rletsu basu!" "Alright! Let's bath!"**

**Numbuh 450 covered herself again. "Okay, _that's_ where I draw the line!"**

**"Okei!" "Okay!"**

**"The two kids sat down on stools near showerheads, towels removed. Behind Numbuh 450 was a washboard that conveniently covered her backside, so to make up for her lack of long hair to do the same." Yes, Loli fanservice. I'm sorry. But at least you don't see too much.**

**"Fasuto, rlinsu. Rlefto hoto uotaa, rlaito korludo." "First, rinse. Left hot water, right cold."**

**"Nekusuto, soopu. No entaa basu yeto." "Next, soap. No enter bath yet."**

**"Numbuh 450 was already going through the motions. "I dunno, I think I'm already used to it. We have something similar to this back home… on my home planet, that is."" If her arm isn't covering her, soap suds are by now.**

**""Okei," she said, "nekusuto, towerlu washu."" Okay, next, towel wash."**

**"She took the towel and began washing the soap off." The towels should just about hide any private parts.**

**"Lasuto, entaa basu!" "Last, enter bath!"**

**"Where's the Thinking Building?" She's saying "Omoi biru" which does mean "thinking building."**


	2. Transmission 2

Continuing Transmission

I repeat, the girl said, leave the country now, or be captured and reeducated.

"…huh?" Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 450 said.

"Fight them! I'll explain later!" Ichiban shouted.

"Right!" the two replied. Thus 450 aimed a weapon at them. More precisely…

Kids Next Door: Z.A.P.P.E.R.: Zany Attack peripheral Propels Energy Rays

…a console light gun converted into a working weapon. Hers was grey with yellow details. She took aim and fired a shot at one of the girls, but the girl leaped into the air, heading towards her. However, that girl was knocked out of the air by a shot from Numbuh 3's T.H.U.M.P.E.R., the owner of which smiled sweetly.

The other girl then took aim at Numbuh 3, but Ichiban pulled out a high-tech laser pistol. I will be your opponent, he said, proceeding to fire a stream of long red beams from the weapon. The girl dodged every single one as if she were a dancer, then kicked Ichiban away. He regained his footing quickly and charged at the girl, trying to punch her, but she got out of the way just in time. She did not, however, successfully dodge the follow-up roundhouse kick. Ichiban then leaped behind her and hit her with an uppercut which knocked her into the air. He then used jet boosters in his shoes to fly into the air and knock her back to the ground.

The first girl performed a graceful spinning kick, which 450 dodged. In return, 450 delivered a hard punch to the jaw. My face! she exclaimed, feeling her face somewhat damaged. 450 then aimed her Z.A.P.P.E.R. at point-blank range.

"Sayonara," she quipped, shooting her down.

The two girls screamed something in Japanese which Numbuh 3 and Numbuh 450 could not make out, then ran away. The two KND girls panted heavily.  
The silence was broken by Ichiban. "That was just gratuitous."

"Uh? What was?" Numbuh 450 replied.

"Your one-liner. You said it right, I'll give you that, but you shouldn't really be trying to use a language you don't fully understand."

"Understood."

"The same applies to you, Kuuki."

"Aww, don't you like my Japanese?" Numbuh 3 replied. It's scary!

I see. So, what generation did your family come from, and what was their reason for coming to America?

Numbuh 3 paused. Yes.

"I thought so."

"That's not important," Numbuh 450 replied. "Who were those kids?"

"They were servants of a dictator named Tiger Mom. She's a renegade from China, kicked out of that country for being a madwoman. She pretty much rules Osaka, and has been trying to take over the rest of Japan. If she had her way, every child in Japan would be forced to work under her impossibly high standards, especially the girls. We've been trying for weeks to stop her, but we couldn't succeed."

"Maybe that shipment you need could help."

"Assuming she doesn't already have it. Hurry! Let's go find the Omocha Industries building!" The two ran off.

-

At a fortress with a cutesy tiger mascot plastered all over it, inside the CEO's office, a room with a tiger-themed deco that otherwise looked like a typical CEO's office, a woman with an orange dress and with black frills was berating the two girls who escaped. What?! she said in a somewhat shrill strict voice. There were foreigners in the country?!

Yes, yes, Lady Tiger, one of the girls replied. American tourists, to be precise.

You mean those pigs? And how did you not stop them?

We tried, Lady Tiger, we tried!

You didn't try hard enough. For your punishment, you will perform THIS piano lesson for three hours. _Flawlessly_! She handed out a very long sheet.

The girls looked at the sheet and gasped. Lady Tiger, this is impossibly complex! How could we possibly play this flawlessly for three hours?

Well, if you feel like something else, you could always play the violin for FIVE hours!"

The girls tried to resist, but gave up. Yes, Lady Tiger. They immediately walked up to a piano and started playing.

Well, if a group of pigs has entered the country, I guess I'll just have to punish them for their crimes. I will send out a whole armada of… She could hear a misplaced note. WRONG NOTE! Do it from the beginning! As I was saying, I shall send an armada of children against them before they can enlist the aid of the Tonari no Kodomo. If they get even one… Another misplaced note. WRONG NOTE! Do it from the beginning! Anyway, if they get even one step ahead of us, I will lose completely. I cannot have that happen!

Lady Tiger, Lady Tiger! a girl said, stepping in to the hall. The Tonari no Kodomo is heading early for a weapons shipment from Omocha Industries.

Really? Well then, I suppose I can use that to my advantage, when I get there first! Fufufufufu…GYAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Yet another misplaced note. WRONG NOTE! Do it from the beginning! She sighed. Sometimes I wonder if this is really worth it… Eh, I don't care.

-

A range of weapons was handed out to the Japanese kids and tourist operatives. As requested, most esteemed customer, the store official said, these weapons are top of the line. They utilize the latest in beam weaponry technology. They will do more than get the job done.

Thank you very much, Sanban replied.

So, you were attacked by Tiger Mom's forces? Niban asked.

Correct, Ichiban replied. I think we should put all our might together and stop her.

"Saunzu guudo. RLETSU GO!" Goban said.

The other kids ran off, except the tourists. "Go? Go where? I'm lost!" Numbuh 450 said. "And what did I tell you about your English?"

As the kids ran out of the building, they encountered an army of girls working for Tiger Mom. Crud! Ichiban exclaimed. They traced us back!

It appears we will get to use our new weaponry, Sanban replied.

"Wait, I'm confused," Numbuh 450 said. "What should we be doing?"

"Basically, if it wears an orange and black schoolgirl outfit, then shoot it," Ichiban replied.

"Gotcha!" Numbuh 3 said cheerfully.

Right! Tonari No Kodomo, let's go! The kids charged at the girls. Numbuh 450 dodged a high kick from a girl, and kicked her away. She then turned around and performed a spin kick to another girl. Ichiban did a series of rapid punches to another girl, then grabbed her and tossed her to Niban, who kicked her high in the air. She then jumped to the girl and did a hammer fist to knock her to the ground.

Another girl assumed a fighting pose to Yonban, who was cowering in fear. The girl began to reconsider. She realized this was a mistake when Yonban pulled out a beam pistol and shot three direct hits at her. Numbuh 3 fired off T.H.U.M.P.E.R. rounds to anything with an orange and black schoolgirl outfit, but often hit civilians. Ah, sorry! She said after each one. However, she made the mistake of apologizing to one of the girls.

Apology not accepted, foreigner! the girl replied, punching her away. However, she realized something. Wait a moment… I didn't do it with style! I failed to fight with choreography! She ran off. Lady Tiger will never forgive me!

She was blocked off by Ichiban, however, who grabbed her by the collar. Where's the base?! he yelled.

I can't tell you! Tiger Mom will punish me heavily!

All crimes are equal in her eyes, right? You've already got nothing to lose! _Where is it_?!

Alright, alright, I'll tell you! She's been trying to take over Amerikamura. She wants to purge it of all its foreign qualities and make it pure. She's set up a base in the Happy Tiger building. You'll never breach through the defenses.!

Challenge accepted. As for you, I suggest you run.

The girl complied.

Ichiban turned to the others. I found the hideout! It's in Amerikamura. "Miss 450, Miss Sanban, follow me!"

-

Amerikamura was the Japanese hub for American culture. As such, it was filled with tourist traps that harkened to that particular interest. A pair of boys were talking to each other, one wearing a white t-shirt with a red sleeveless jacket and jeans, with a red and white baseball cap atop his head, the other with a black leather jacket, black slacks and a white undershirt with an eagle on it.

The kids approached them quickly. "Hey! Are you okay?" asked The boy in red.

"We haven't got much time, sir!" Numbuh 450 said. "We need you to take us to the Happy Tiger building!"

The boy paused. "Gomen. Eigo wo hanasenai. Nihongo de hanashite?"

Numbuh 450 growled. "American town _yeah right_!" Though on the last two words, she made it clear that if there weren't children watching, she'd say something a lot less friendly.

"It's okay, I'll handle this," Ichiban said. Excuse me, do you know where the Happy Tiger building is?

Sorry, haven't a clue, the boy with the eagle shirt said.

Okay. Sorry to waste your time. He then turned to the others. "Shiranai. He doesn't know."

Niban felt her stomach grumble. I'm hungry.

"I don't know what you said, but I'm hungry!" Numbuh 3 said.

"I think I know a place you might like." Ichiban said. Let's get something to eat.

-

The team stopped at a WcDonalds building. Welcome to our shop, the clerk said. Her body language, however, made it clear that she found Numbuh 450 odd.

She's an alien. She comes from America, so she doesn't speak Japanese, Ichiban explained.

"Ah, arigatou." She then turned to Numbuh 450. "Hello. How can I help you?" she said in good English with a Japanese accent.

"Oh?" Nubmuh 450 said in shock. "Well, umm… a 20 piece nugget pack would be nice. Hey, after the others make their orders, can I talk to you?"

"Sure you can! Any fries or soda?"

"Did you just say soda? Isn't that illegal to anyone under 13?"

"Not in Japan. Yeah, I don't understand the Americans either."

"Well, America's… kind of a dictatorship right now. Big adult illuminati lead by someone I think is a demon, _but_ the fact that you sell soda is AWESOME! Can I get a Columbia Cola?"

"Certainly! 1045 yen."

"Leave the payment to me," Ichiban said.

"Aha, thanks. By the way, Miss Clerk, you speak English very well."

"Thank you!"

Ichiban shot her a mean look.

"Er, I mean, no, it's awful," she corrected. "But I do see a lot of tourists, so I studied English in school."

"You'll be fine. My friend doesn't speak Japanese either, so you can help her out."

"I _do too_ speak Japanese!" Numbuh 3 said. Good afternoon!

"It's morning. Can I help you?" the clerk said.

"Sure!"

The kids made their orders, had their meal, and prepared to leave. Before they did, though, Numbuh 450 came up to the clerk.

"You said you wanted to talk to me?" The clerk said.

"Yeah. Do you know where the Happy Tiger place is?"

"Sure! It's near the local arcade. The owner has been trying to close our shop down for some time. She wants to replace it with a rice shop."

"Well, I don't want to see you put out of business, so I'll do what I can to stop her. Thanks for the help!"

"Sure thing! Have a good day!"

"Thank you! Good luck with your studies!" She then walked up to the others. "Guys! I know where the building is!"

"Thank you." Ichiban said. "Tell me everything."

-

The team made their way to the Happy Tiger building. Alright team, Ichiban said, here's the plan. The alien and I will keep the guards busy on the surface. While this is happening, Goban, and Miss Sanban will head through the lower passageway, looking for the main control room. Our Sanban, Yonban and Niban will go through a separate passageway, but follow them through the first run. "Miss 450, you're with me. Shoot any target that shows up. Miss Sanban, you're with the others. Find the control room and capture Tiger Mom. Radio your partner when you can."

Roger! The Japanese kids said.

"Roger!" The Kids Next Door operatives said.

"Ikuzo! Let's go!" Ichiban said, and ran off with Numbuh 450.

An orange and black-dressed schoolgirl patrolled the building's roof. Another scouted the outside of the the building with binoculars. The first girl saw nothing wrong on her end, but when she turned around, Numbuh 450's Z.A.P.P.E.R. was pointed right at her face.

"Konnichiwa!" Numbuh 450 retorted. She then shot the girl.

It's morning! The other said. She then placed a walky-talky to her ear. Intruder detected on the roof!

Guards began piling onto the roof. Numbuh 450 took aim to three schoolgirls in a row, shooting them one at a time. Ichiban grabbed one of the girls and threw her off the roof. The fall was not lethal, but she certainly felt it afterwards. Ichiban was then surrounded by three schoolgirls who dogpiled him.

"Miss 450! Help me!" Ichiban screamed.

"Use your Karate skills or something!" Numbuh 450 replied.

"One, that's offensive, and two, THEY'RE ALL OVER ME!"

"Oh, sorry." She then fired at the three.

-

Meanwhile, in the tunnels of the building, the five remaining operatives came across a fork in the path. "Amerika no Sanban! Goban! Migi rluuto!" Niban said.

Yes! Numbuh 3 said. She then went to the left with Niban.

"Chigau! Anta wa _migi_ ruuto ni ikou!" She then pointed right. "Kocchi! Kocchi!

"…I'm sorry, could you say that in English?"

"Gaah! Anta no baka! Nihonjin da ne? Doshite nihongo hanasanai?!"

"…huh?"

Niban screamed in frustration.

Niban? What's wrong? Goban said.

This girl should be able to speak Japanese, and yet she can't! Why?!

Leave it to me. Goban turned to Numbuh 3. "Kuuki-chan. Wi go rlaito."

"We do?" Numbuh 3 said. "Why didn't you just say that the first time?"

Niban charged at Numbuh 3 screaming Japanese threats. Yonban held her back.

"What's wrong with her? Never mind, let's go!" Numbuh 3 said. She then ran off to the right. Goban followed.

-

Numbuh 450 and Ichiban broke into the base at last, making their way to the CEO's office. They took on girl after girl, shooting, punching and countering their way through the defenses. At last, they entered the room, where both Tiger Mom and her elite guard, two girls with orange and black kimonos, were waiting for them.

The Tonari no Kodomo, Tiger Mom said. I should've guessed. I see you've brought yourselves a mascot.

The American alien is here on business with me, Ichiban said. Together, we will defeat you once and for all!

So this is the foreigner? She began speaking in accented English. "Tell me, do you know what I do with foreigners? I punish them. Oh how I punish them." Guards! Stop them!

The two guards spoke at once. Right! Suddenly, they noticed the floor start to shake under them. Then, a pair of hands burst from underneath and pulled them under. The rest of the operatives climbed out of the holes from the tunnels.

Numbuh 3 looked at Tiger Mom, unaware of who she was, and smiled. "Konnichiwa!" she said sweetly.

"It's morning!" she shouted.. "To think a pure-blooded Japanese girl would disgrace her own race with such an obvious mistake!"

It's over, Tiger Mom! Goban said. We have a numerical advantage! You're just one, and there's seven of us!

Funny. I don't see any threat whatsoever.

She then pushed a button on her console, and a swarm of living school uniforms tried to graft themselves to the girls. The boys were shocked with over 450 volts of electicity.

HAHAHAHAHA! These uniforms are made with materials that completely change the person's personality! Soon, you'll be slaves to my will, truly prodigious servants, completely subservient to me! HAHAHAHAHA!

Hey! What's all this, then? said an unfamiliar voice.

Oh no! exclaimed Tiger Mom as she spun around.

A man in a salaryman suit had burst through the doors, looking rather upset. What are you doing here? he asked. When I ask you to take care of the house, I expect you to actually take care of it! My boss is coming over for dinner in one hour! I come home and laundry is not done, breakfast dishes are still out and you are not there preparing! What have you been doing all day that is more important?!

I was just trying to make the world a better place by making it pure!

Make the world a better place? What about making my house a better place?! You know your responsibility to me! If dinner is not ready on time there will be no promotion, and perhaps even no job! What will the world matter if we are living on the street! Stop playing with these grasshoppers and pay attention to what is truly important!

Fine… she stormed out of the room, first pushing a button to deactivate the torture.

I am so sorry about that, children. As) her husband Iam embarrassed that I don't understand her at all, but, some women are like that. She gets so caught up in her hobbies and forgets where her first duty is.

Niban and Yonban looked at each other nervously. They then looked at the foreign girls uneasily.

"What?" the two KND operatives said.

-

The two girls and the other five were back at the Tonari no Kodomo's HQ. "I'd like to personally apologize for any inconvenience I might have caused you," Ichiban said.

"What are you talking about! That was awesome!" Numbuh 450 said.

"I know!" Numbuh 3 said. "We got to do so much cool things, and, and we got to do some fighting stuff, and, and it was totally amazing!"

"If all our trips are like this, I'd love to come back!"

"Well, I'm glad you feel that way," Ichiban said. "I'd love for you guys to come back some time. It's nice having some foreigners to provide a unique perspective on things."

"Well, I guess we better get going. I've got someone I'll need to pick up at some point." The two girls boarded the blue S.C.A.M.P.E.R..

"Sayonara!" the two girls said at once.

"Bye, bye!" all five Tonari no Kodomo operatives said.

The blue S.C.A.M.P.E.R. took off, on route to pick up their friend.

Numbuh 450 was talking excitedly into her communicator. "Oh! You should've been there! I went to Japan and I got to see all the sights, and, and, I got to fight off Tiger Mom's forces, oh gosh that was so fun, and I got to meet the Japanese Kids Next Door and they were really nice and-"

"Okay, okay, I'll hear about it when you pick me up," Numbuh 692 said on the other line. "Basically, requesting dustoff."

"Oka-a-ay! I'll be right there!" She broke contact.

"Good to go back home sometimes," Numbuh 3 said.

"I know. I'd love to go back. Although, next time you go… TAKE SOME FLIPPIN' JAPANESE LESSONS!"

The argument could be heard a mile away.

End Transmission

* * *

**This marks the first modern-era story. My writing style has changed again, and some minor details of the overarching plot have changed.**

**"It's scary!" Kuuki mistakes "Kawaii" which means "cute" with "kowai" which means "scary."**

**"What?! she said in a somewhat shrill strict voice. There were foreigners in the country?!" Tiger Mom is also voiced by Grey Delisle, this time using a tone closer to Gramma Stuffin'.**

**""Saunzu guudo. RLETSU GO!"" "Sounds good. LET'S GO!"**

**" one wearing a white t-shirt with a red sleeveless jacket and jeans, with a red and white baseball cap atop his head" In case you couldn't tell, Random Amerikamura Guy 1 is a pastiche off Terry Bogard from Fatal Fury, complete with some of his mannerisms. He's the archetypal "Japanese American".**

**""Gomen. Eigo wo hanasenai. Nihongo de hanashite?"" "Sorry, I don't speak English. You mind speaking in Japanese?" This is a more informal form, reflecting Terry's rougher personality.**

**""Amerika no Sanban! Goban! Migi rluuto!"" "American Sanban! Goban! Take the right route!"**

**""Chigau! Anta wa _migi_ ruuto ni ikou!" "Kocchi! Kocchi!" "No! You take the _right_ route! This way! This way!"**

**"Gaah! Anta no baka! Nihonjin da ne? Doshite nihongo hanasanai?!"" "Gaah! You idiot! You're Japanese, right? Why can't you speak Japanese?" All this is intentionally left untranslated because it's not meant to be understood. It shows how hard it is to give instructions when two parties don't speak the same language, and that's supposed to be funny. I've clearly ruined it now by explaining it.**

**"Numbuh 450 was talking excitedly into her communicator. "Oh! You should've been there! I went to Japan and I got to see all the sights, and, and, I got to fight off Tiger Mom's forces, oh gosh that was so fun, and I got to meet the Japanese Kids Next Door and they were really nice and-"" Reused lines from Operation DREAMS second part for continuity.**


	3. Next Episode Preview

**Incoming Transmission**

Hey there! It's Numbuh 2. A DVD store's closing, and that means I get a nice catch! Who's the Professor? And what's with all those creepy statues? Find out with me in **Operation STATUE!**

* * *

Numbuh 1 reporting for duty! Although, I may not be able to call myself that. The world's changed completely! Were my experiences in the Kids Next Door... a delusion? Beginning mission, **Operation LIES!**

**End Transmission**


End file.
